chancer

In a pub in Great Missenden – I was cottaging in the toilets and she was a stripper called ‘Natalie Norks’

Neither us were having much success so we pooled our meagre resources, both financial and intellectual, and discovered that we had enough of the former for two and a half drinks and a packet of crisps, and enough of the latter for two hours’ conversation.

To see if she has learned to flirt yet

To see if he can emulate his father’s mince!

My dad was a hairdresser. Not a gentlemen’s barber, but a full-on ladies’ hairdresser.

He even has a hairdresser’s mince, which I have partially inherited.

It is because of my dad that most people think I am gay. Not that I mind – it is quite useful when trying to circumvent female defences.

A phenomenal taste in fiction. That’s all.

I met Jeff a few times while working at Amazon and the most memorable was on earthquake day (28 Feb 2001 from memory).

After the building was evacuated we needed to get a bunch of stuff from the 11th floor and he asked for volunteers to help him.

Being stupid, I volunteered. The stupid part wasn’t that the building might collapse (although it could have – the 12th and 13th floors had already pooled their resources) but that it meant walking up 11 floors.

I leant that Jeff is fitter than me, that we both look stupid in hard hats and that it is impossible not to admire a guy that leads from the front like that.

It took me four attempts to pass my driving test.

And it shows.

An airport departure lounge in Cork, Ireland.

He was there because he had played at Feile the night before. I was there because I had been there.

Unfortunately I was ‘coming down’ so when I bumped into him and said ‘sorry mate’ , and he just patted me on the shoulder, I didn’t actually know it was Paul Weller.

It took Liz to point out what I had missed, including the fact that the man by his side had been Damon Albarn.

There is a lesson in this story. Somewhere.

The first time I met Esther she gave me an iPod and I bought her lunch.

That says plenty about both of us.